Trace Elements
It's been a long, difficult week, full of frustrations and more endings and changes. As I emerge from a daze this month and into the real questions of "what am I going to do now?", I find myself wandering around, bumping into furniture, talking to myself. I seem to be looking for something, some way of being that I really liked, but finding just trace elements. More upheaval and uncertainty comes and I just try to find that connected, childlike place that I need right now.
The point of this little blog tonight, though, is my answer to the question "what if you won the lottery"? I like to dream these days. What I'd do first, before any plans at retreat centers or funding my friends' projects or whatever is simple. I'd buy a laptop with every conceivable upgrade. I'd drop the cats off at some cat hotel somewhere or hire a professional sitter. Then I'd pack the car and take the digital camera. I'd start off driving east, taking all the time in the world, driving two hours or ten hours a day, staying in any place that calls me and exploring with luxury. I'd go throughout Washington, Idaho and Montana, and into Wyoming, then through the northern states of Minnesota and Wisconsin and perhaps the upper peninsual of Michigan. I'd swing down, then, and rest in Columbus, see everyone that I wanted to see for as long as I wanted to see them. Then I'd head east again, across Upstate New York and New Hampshire into Vermont, where I'd visit with Aarti. From Aarti's, I'd go east to Maine and Bar Harbor and stay there as long as I wanted. Then, I'd head south, down the coast, into Philadelphia, where I'd visit with Aisling. From there, south again, down the outer banks and into Florida, to visit with Calin. From there, west through the southern states and into Texas to visit with Paul. Up, then, into Missouri and Sean, across to the West into Colorado and Liralen, and then across to San Francisco to visit with Anastasia. In San Francisco, I'd dump my car (because it would be ruined by then) and buy a ticket to Hawaii. There I'd soak up Ana and Hamsa until I was ready for the mainland. I'd fly back to Seattle and buy a car, retrieve the cats, and figure out what to do with myself. Probably try to publish the book I'd just written along the journey. The idea has struck me as well to buy certain friends tickets to select locations I'd pass through and let them be a part of that journey for as long as they wanted, and then buy them plane tickets home.
Instead, since I didn't win the lottery, tonight I'll just pay bills and go for a walk around the block. But a girl can dream, can't she?
